RATED R … PARENTAL GUIDANCE SUGGESTED
Random thought â€¦ Did you hear the one about how Cathy went from â€śGlobalâ€ť to â€śMost Published Wedding Planner in the Whole Wide World!?â€ť And where did that FABULOUS picture booth come from thatâ€™s in the corner, and WHO was responsible for that fun idea? Oh that was me â€¦ bummer, that was a cutting room floor moment! The picture booth was a HUGE hit at my wedding in Cape Cod, Massachusetts (stay tuned … photos coming soon!). But what do I know? I have never been published like some of my more â€śglobal competitorsâ€ť for most the fabulous wedding moment!
About those â€śOther people that were on that show with meâ€ť
What the H-E-double hockey sticks is up with me being paired with â€śwork my partners to the bone so I never break a sweatâ€ť Cathy AGAIN. Really? I donâ€™t think I have ever heard my name screamed as much (except for that one time in bed â€¦ you can fill in the blanks â€¦ and I was having a whole lot more fun!) as I did the day of that despicable foe …Â wedding. I mean real wedding. What am I saying? At any rate, if I want to have my name screamed that many times, it most certainly would be from the bedroom and most definitely not in that manimal VOICE! Anyway, after hearing that gal scream my name for hours on end, I finally LOST IT and yelled across the room â€śCATHY STOP PICKING ON ME â€¦ PICK ON SOMEONE ELSE!â€ť Damn that moment felt good. That should have been the Sears moment for sure. No, let me re-think that. The real Sears moment should have been the on-the-knee hug that Stewart (from Mad TV), I mean Karl, affectionately gave Pocket Pal Kelli. He was so cute cuddled up next to Kelliâ€™s large mommy bosom. Awww â€¦ so sincere. Ok right, moving on. Seriously the real Sears moment should have been that fantastic, wooden ice-cream spoon, artwork that curiously resembled the hanging hammock from a previous episode. Hmmm. Or maybe it should have been MY â€śStevie Knicks Momentâ€ť with that bedazzled throw I put on that huge pedestal table â€¦ what the eff was I thinking? Oh, wait, I wasnâ€™t! I was too brain damaged to think with the ringing of a certain loudmouth in my ear for three days.
About those moments â€śon the cutting room floorâ€ť
Well, for sure the moment when I had a nervous effing break down in the street with my hooker boots and tank top, cursing because the guy in the moving van with the FAB photo booth I had ordered couldnâ€™t find me â€¦ that wasnâ€™t quite an H-â€śGâ€ť-TV moment! Or the moment when I finally unleashed the beast within on the â€śglobal, published, best wedding planner in the whole wide worldâ€ť Cathy by yelling â€śPICK ON SOMEONE ELSEâ€ť or how about the moment when the entire cast jumps all over Cathy for talking to me like I am a child. Now, given that I am a child in most ways DOES NOT GIVE a mean, global woman the right to talk to me that way! For sure the very, very, very, very extremely, very long-winded version of how Mark (who I affectionately refer to as B.D.M â€¦ ask me later) came to the inspiration of the wooden spoon moment, I mean skateboard moment, that for sure was left on the cutting room floor. The show is only 35 minutes top of real time so clearly the reality of long-winded, long d_ _ _ Mark could not possibly make it on the air. For that matter, THANK GOD, the moment when Vern says to me â€śI wanted to gauge my eyes out over those stools, Leslie,â€ť landed on the cutting room floor. Thanks once again to you H-â€śGâ€ť-TV for sparing Vern a life of gauged out eyes after experiencing the vision-threatening view of my really bad, bad, bad, bad design choice. I hate for someone to experience that much pain over design.
About those design tits … I mean TIPS
ConfuciusÂ say, â€śWhen getting married, grasshopper, hire a real wedding planner.â€ť
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