Leslie Ezelle’s Christmas Balls & COME Back Blog

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Rated R–definitely. I will say, I am turning over a new leaf to be clever enough not to drop any F-bombs, except in urgent circumstances ONLY! I have been told that God does not take too kindly to the F word. And now that I have heard that one of my child’s classmates (at the age of 9) is throwing F-bombs as much as he throws farts; I am trying to re-think the whole cussing thing. I mean come on, it is bad enough that God has a scripture somewhere damning all us heathens to h-e-double hockey sticks, but if it ever gets back to my kids that I am an F-bomb dropper, all h-e-double hockey sticks could break loose in my life!

Random thought: Do you ever wonder how up-tight, very serious, extremely negative and sometimes quite mean people get on with their lives? If I did not have myself to laugh at and my friends who also LOVE TO LAUGH, I honestly do not know how I would get by in my life. By the way, Albert Brooks is HILARIOUS and completely underrated.

About those “Other things in my life that I probably should not discuss in a blog” Since it is Christmas time and all, I figured this would be the perfect time to whip out my balls and bring back the presence of my sometimes raunchy (but hopefully entertaining) BLOG. Merry Christmas to all my bible friends; Happy Hanukah to all my Jewish buds; and Rockin’ Kwanza to all my Kwanza folks. So now lets get to the balls. It is hard to bring out the Christmas balls when going through major construction. We have no floor. Well, that is not entirely true. What we have is a floor that is MDF, which is code word for getto flo. We can literally see the dirt beneath our living room floor. Everyday I find another great use for duct tape. This time it is being used to cover up the cracks in my floor — SO CLASSY! The great news is, I am able to use my entire living room as a studio, which allows me to spray paint indoors. Spray painting indoors is one of my favorite past times, especially when you add a little red wine to the mix. It really makes for a very festive and cheerful mommy. Most people don’t know this, but mommies have a really tough time at this very special holiday season. Between you and me, there is a lot of pressure as a stay at home, creative mom to really knock the holiday season out of the ballpark. There is this whole secret, unspoken Christmas Holiday card competition that all stay at home moms and hard working, over achiever moms compete in to have the most brilliant, creative, shutter fly, Mac Pro, handmade, professionally produced holiday card EVER. We all know that we are secretly trying to upstage whoever had the best card from last year; but we never speak of it.  No, we just keep trying, year after year, to get the best beach picture, best photographer, funniest catch phrases we can possibly dream up to send out in hopes that maybe, just maybe, this year our card will hold a candle to our other creative friends. This year, hands down for me was the card that came in a small package.  You know what they say, “good things come in small packages” — except for when it comes to men. To all my men folk out there, (now this may hurt) unless it is a blue tiffany box, nothing else you have to offer — in terms of small and package — is good. And yes, the “motion of the ocean” line is just that — a line. Now getting back to my point, (not that I really have one, but here goes) the small package we received with OUR last years picture, from our LAST YEARS Christmas card, which had been made into an ornament for my Christmas tree, won the prize hands down!!! How cleaver and thoughtful was that? She actually saved my last years Christmas card and made it into an ornament for her card this year! Love it. I am however, a bit concerned about next years ornament, considering that my “professional” picture this year was one I clipped out of a newspaper and scanned in my fancy computer to produce one heck of an ugly card. This is not a reflection on the original photographer. It’s just that once you scan a color picture from the newspaper, change it to B&W to be more creative and reprint it on a card, you really lose some of the details needed in ones face in order to recognize the person.  So hopefully next year she will just send me a snowman card from Target and give us other under-achievers a chance to take home the Holiday card gold.

About those moments “that we all have in life that cause one to break a major sweat” Having to do a family sketch at a Christmas party in front of people whom I respect. I have decided on our family being bells with balls. The six of us will be performing an interpretive dance to “Carol of the Bells”, while dressed up like life size hand bells. We each will have one big ball, hanging between our collective 12 legs that will swing as we each do the pelvic thrust move, as seen in Rocky Horror Picture Show.  Our bell handles will be made of toilet plungers strapped to the tops of our heads. Some simple choreography will be involved as we each scurry around with one big bell in our hands singing along to the ever-brilliant song “Carol of the Bells.” The kids are worried we are going to embarrass ourselves. However, I reassured them that any time you have a plunger on your head and a big ball dangling between your legs, this is a guaranteed, sure-fire HIT!  I think I will name our group, “The Bell Ball Danglers”! Coming soon to a U-Tube near you!

About those design tits…I mean TIPS Christmas tree people, trim, trim, trim that tree.  Make room for all the BIG Balls INSIDE the tree, close to the trunk. It makes for a more layered, full looking tree!






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